Cupidopolis

With Valentine’s on the loom… love is in the air! Or is it the air of discontent? If you just take a look at all the comments under my post – My husband ignores me, then you would begin to see just how many people are unhappy with their relationship.

I think one of the biggest problems we face is that we tend to take our partners for granted. In the begining of a relationship we tend to do stuff for each other but then we grow to expect them off each other and that is when the trouble begins. I was once advised before I got married to never do something for my future husband that I don’t intend to continue doing for the rest of my life. Probably the best advice I ever got. In other words we forget to be grateful for what our partners do for us and expect it instead. And when we do not get what we expect, then we end up upset and possibly end up in an argument.

So what can we do about it? Well we need to take a step back and think about all the things that your partner does for you and be happy about it. And it cannot be that your partner does nothing. It could be that cup of tea or taking out the trash or even taking your kid out on a Saturday. Then show your appreciation. Gratitude goes a long way.

Then if you really want to try hard, do something nice for your partner that won’t be expected. Again, it might be a cup of tea after a hard day at work or a romantic text or even run a warm bath accompanied with a glass of their favourite tipple.

Good Luck… and feel free to let me know what results you have with my tips!

“My husband and I have been married for less than a year. The first few months were great.

Now – he comes home, switches on the computer, grunts responses and never listens to what I say. We rarely eat together as he arranges things to make that impossible. He will always go to bed at least an hour after I have gone to bed but usually it is several hours after. One time I forced myself to stay awake and told him that I wasn’t going to bed until he came with me, so 6am was the time we went to bed, but only after I hit the roof.

He takes things the wrong way and at times it seems as though he is looking for an excuse to blame me for something.

I have spoken to him about this but no good. I have told him I am unhappy with how things are and he doesn’t care. I have told him I want to play online games with him but he won’t add me and then he just stops playing games and just surfs the internet instead and reads all about baseball… solitary stuff that he says I can’t do with him. Any arrangements I make to have a date night fall flat. He always fixes his work schedule to make it impossible or some other excuse. I dressed up sexy and he told me to go into the bedroom and get started and he’ll be in in a minute. I was left waiting.

He is blocking me out from his life.

I want to give him a taste of his own medicine but that is just not me. I have noticed that I seem to be subconsciously physically hurting him and other things: in the middle of the night I will kick him when I am half-asleep; let the door slam in his face even though I know he is walking directly behind me and should keep it open; twice accidentally knocked over a glass of coke onto his keyboard and computer; spilt his plate of food as I place it on the table; physically bump into him very hard; etc.

It seems so soon to be talking divorce and that is such a big move, even more so because he is in this country on a temporary spouse visa and if we divorce he will have to leave the country. But I can’t live like this. I am starting to really hate him. I think the next thing I will do is to try and enjoy my life as though he isn’t here.”

“An update on my situation – I left and stayed with my parents for two months to give us some time apart. A month in we decided for a divorce and I spent the other month preparing and making plans for separating.

We have to live together for the next six months for financial reasons, but I have to say that I feel REALLY good now!!! I am uninterested in what he does and am happy when he stays out all night. Up until two months ago I would have been pacing the floor wondering where he is and what he is doing.

For the first time since we married I don’t go to sleep feeling miserable nor wake up with a heavy feeling in my heart.

I am not proud that I have a failed marriage but I don’t want the rest of my life to be how it was last year, so I have had to swallow my pride and admit I (we) made a mistake in getting married to each other. I feel happy an optimistic now.”

Do not look upon this as a failure. In life there are always two ways to see things. The glass can be half full or half empty. You took control of your life and sought your happiness, and that is brilliant. Obviously it was not working as you both agreed to a divorce. Yes, there might have been something that could have saved the marriage, but the reality was far more likely that things would have remained status quo. Life is too short to live a miserable existence. Your divorce seems amicable too, which is a really great thing as many divorces become acrimonious, painful and hurtful.

Although this time is painful, it is a time for healing and new beginings. With the fact that you will live together for 6 months or so, you might find that you remember who and why you fell in love with and things might be able to start over without the current pressures you have today. Meanwhile, think of this step as a halfway house. A step to your new independance, freedom and happiness.

Good luck with all your upcoming changes. You will be so much stronger for them.

I am afraid that I have not been maintaining the site. I feel dreadful but we all occasionally let down our side.

To be truthful, I have had to prioritise and with just having had twins, you can probably understand my lack of time. Things are finally coming together and although it may be sometime before I post on a very regular basis, I have to start from somewhere and so here I go.

Watch this space for further posts.

I am feeling terribly guilty that I have not mantained my site. I was undergoing some medical treatment and as you can imagine the last thing on my mind was keeping my websites updated. I was struggling to keep things running on a normal day to day basis. I think that as a woman, somehow, you have to keep things running smoothly. However, the reality is that something always has to give. In this case, it has meant that I did not keep my site up to date. I will obviously try to get back on track. This does not mean that I think that anyone else’s problems are less than my own. In fact the one thing I did learn was that in order to be able to continue to help others, I needed to see to myself first. On a positive note, all is going well for me on the medical front and hopefully all will go well for you too.

Perhaps on a less interesting note, I have tried to take a look at web hosting providers to see if I can provide you with a better service. I was looking for the best vps hosting that I could find but it made me wonder if it would make much of a difference, especially considering how recently I did not mantain my blog. I did do as much reading as I possibly could but unfortunately bar basic usuage I am pretty much in the dark with technology.

So moving on to things that I do understand, I promise that I will do my utmost to keep Cupidopolis updated at least on a regular basis.

“My husband takes off his wedding ring when he comes home. He says mens jewelry annoy him. Do you think he is being unfaithful?”

If it were the other way around, where he took his rings off when he went out, I might say perhaps. But his taking it off at home may simply be that it is true that wearing jewelry might not be his thing. The fact is that he wears it when he goes out and this is probably his way of showing his respect towards you by wearing his wedding ring. Stop worrying about his being unfaithful and enjoy the fact that he wants to show the world that he is married to you.

The New Year often signifies new beginnings for us. It is an opportunity to rethink our lives and promise ourselves to fix what we think needs to be improved upon. Hence New Years Resolutions. I think a resolution is always a good thing. It need not be done just at new year but at anytime of year. A resolution is exactly what it implies – resolve to maintain something.

In today’s day and age we are all health & green focused and it would not be unusual to find that most resolutions will be health focused or world focused. Now it is all very well to say that as of today, I will eat my 5 a day every day, walk everywhere and catch buses instead of drive, quit smoking and drinking and lose weight in the process. Truth is if you currently don’t do any of these, well suddenly doing all this will be an impossible chore. If you actually manage to maintain your resolution until the end of the week I would be majorly impressed. It is always far better to chose one resolution and stick by it no matter what, even when the going gets tough. And it will get tough. After all, if it were easy, you would not need to strengthen your resolve. And only when it has become part and parcel, should you attempt to add another resolution. And if you think you cracked it in a week… think again! The minimum amount of time it will take before it can be considered habitual is 9 weeks. Having said that I believe it is better to be prudent and give it a minimum of 3 months. And even then you need to keep a watchful eye. After all it is always easier to slip into a bad habit. Usually because bad habits taste betters, are easier or simply more fun!!

I wish you the very best with your resolution(s) and hope that your find the strength and perseverance to stick to it!

New Year is time for a new begining. We are all entitled to second chances. So take this moment to grab your second chance now. Set out a resolution and stick to it. Don’t make many and keep none. It is better to make one resolution and stick to it no matter how hard. Your perserverance will pay off.

And in case you read this at some point in the future… now is as good time as any to make a resolution. The trick is to start NOW… not tomorrow… not next week… NOW!!

Good Luck

Merry Christmas to everyone at Cupidopolis. May you have a peaceful Christmas.

Christmas is always a stressful time. There is the preparing for it, the inevitable guests and all the extra financial expense. Considering that Christmas is actually just one day… the advice I am going dispense is to step back, take a deep breathe and put it all in perspective.

It is just ONE day!

Get everyone to contribute to the whole festivities, plan as much as you can in advance and last but not least try to enjoy Christmas.

“Things are going better these days. I blew up at him and it seemed for the first time he realized how big of an issue this is. Every since then, he has been amazing. If I ask him questions about it, he answers honestly, even if he knows it will hurt my feelings. I’m almost positive he has only “slipped up” twice since July, and even then it was minor.

However, this whole situation ruined my libido. I am angry at the way this has affected us. I don’t look at him the same way anymore, and I don’t want him to touch me. I love him more than anything in the world, but our physical relationship has disappeared.

I’m considering counseling for that problem, because I want this to work and I know he does as well. Wish us luck.”

Hi. It is nice to hear that things are actually going quite well. It is never easy especially when pulling yourselves out of a bad patch. Generally it is always easier to sink than swim but you seem to both be swimming.

Counselling can help. But meanwhile you might also find that trying to start anew might help. I know it is not really possible to start from scratch but going out for dates (like when you first started dating) and doing things together (even if washing the dishes), preparing a special meal and lighting the room with Circle E Candles can bring on a touch of romance… which in turn can do wonders for your relationship.

Love is always worth working for… and as long as you both are happy to work for it… you will both prosper. You will have both ups and downs but treasure the ups and work through the downs. You do seem to have something worth the effort. I do wish you both the very best and if you need anything, do not hesitate to contact me again.