My husband ignores me

“My husband comes home, eats and goes straight to his computer. He is there all night and only comes to bed when he is knackered. I feel like he is a piece of the furniture. I cannot seem to get his attention. It is really begining to bother me.”

Ever considered there may be reasons why he does that. Before you do anything, first examine everything else. If you think there are no other reasons for his withdrawal, then play his game.

  • Go on MSN and chat him up
  • Ask to play a 2 player game with him
  • Bet you can beat him at his game
  • Send him raunchy pictures of you implying things to come

And if all fails – UNPLUG him!

73 thoughts on “My husband ignores me

  1. Annette

    Hi, my name is Annette
    My husband gets onto his computer before work and when he comes back from work. He has supper with me then he goes onto the computer until 2-5 in the mornings – then I have a hard time waking him up for work.
    I started watching TV while he is on the computer and when I tell him he spends too much time on the computer, he tells me that I do the same by watching too much TV. He also tell me not to try and change him as that is the way I met him.
    We are only intimate when he is ready which is once a year … maybe. It used to bug me but now I am sooo happy about it as I feel nothing for him. We have been married for 14 years and I am contemplating a divorce but I am a housewife with no money. I do not get any money from him …I sadly have to admit that I have to steal money from him to help other people in need as I am a giver but now I am not allowed to look after my frail sick Mother either who lives right next to me (2 months now). She is not allowed to watch TV with me or spend time with me – he reckons she is the reason for our bad marriage – go figure!

  2. Anna

    Talk about being ignored !!!!
    We have been married 40 plus years and the last 30 I have been ignored. We hadn’t had sex, touched, or had a decent conversation in all those years. Theres been no dates, weekends away or even any really vacations. I thought he was having an affair or gay but that was not the case. He just wants me to leave him alone Were on a fixed income but have good medical perks. He has been seeing a shrink and from what he can tell he had a very lonely life, his mom and dad faught all the time and there was never any love from his parents toward him and all that resentment has flowed to the top of his life. I’ve tryed to get him to open up but all he says is leave me alone, and I never want to talk about it. Its terrible being with a person who doesn’t have any feelings toward you.

  3. sleepless in sanangelo

    I’ve been reading all of your emails, and in a way, its good to know I am not the only one out there.
    On the other hand it prouves the market for a good man is getting slimmer by the day.
    I should have left a long time ago when this all started – its true what they say – somethings never change.
    Unfortunatly now I am commited to a mortgage and 2 step-teenagers {who we recently got sole custody of}; and torn between the hurt and neglect versus the commitment I have to them.
    I should have made good my threat before we passed year number 10 – which by the way was spent 2000 miles apart-
    And now I sit here alone in the kitchen – each child in their perspective rooms, and me avoiding my bedroom because “he” is in there with my black plastic competition {which incidentally, applies to both his blackberry and his computer- neither of which he could go a day with out}

  4. andronicus

    Men can’t live without them and don’t go near them!!

    Or at least don’t live with one until you KNOW FOR SURE they are able to communicate like a grown up and he has a level of emotional maturity that is conducive to giving and receiving love and affection.

    Honestly I have read all the comments. Some ladies sound patient, a little angry, a lot angry, scared, frustrated, emotionally abused, neglected, sad, lonely, very unhappy. I’m personally livid and I find myself in an impossible dependent situation and I detest it.

    When i manage to escape this nightmare, i honestly don’t think i will be able to trust another male again. I find men heartless, weak and shallow (well the ones I have met) and incredibly ugly and selfish. I’m left genuinely emotionally drained and I have nothing left for myself after 7 years of compromise and waiting. Cannot see the wood for the trees now as I have been brainwashed and abused emotionally for soo long. Never again when I get out. NEVER AGAIN!! Sorry to be so negative but these are my true feelings and they are hell to live with/think this is the point of the chat. No one wants to hear the truth I find, not really. Everybodies scared to death. WHY???

  5. margaret

    I am 70 years old and i got married for the second time 18 months ago. I was married to my first husband for 50 years but found out he was cheating on me for most of our marriage.
    my second marriage started off good but no he spends all of his time on his lap top, what have i done, where do i go now?

  6. Jenna Marie

    I don’t even know where to begin. I cannot believe the amount of women who are goin through the same thing I am. Unfortunately, my husband and I have only been married 3 months. It’s awful and I can’t take it anymore. He leaves for work at 8 am, comes home at 10-11 pm, sits with me for 30 minutes, and goes on the computer for another few hours until 3 or 4 am, every weekday. I’m passed out by then. I used to be supportive, but now I do get upset. And at this point, he just doesn’t even speak to me, talk to me on the phone, call me from work to say hello (and that’s a long time not calling your wife), every day he comes home from work he walks in on the phone with a different friend yet he can’t talk to me, and now we sleep in seperate bedrooms. I lost my job last October and I’ve been depressed ever since. I know he has a lot of work to do, but he’s really put me and this relationship on the backburner and refuses to face that. I’m home alone all day and without his love and support it’s killing me. Please help. I don’t know what to do. I knew what I was getting into when he got a new job and had to work more hours, but that’s not the reason. He’s running from something and burying himself in his work.

  7. Jae

    wow. When I say “wow”, I’m just very surprised that so many people (including myself) are having the same problems. Can I ask a question? How many women out there have cheated or thought about it just to get some fun out of life?

    Jae, I have replied to your question here.

  8. Mysterygal

    My husband wont communicate he says a good relationship shouldn’t have to i thought conversation is.i am 9 mths preg for a long time he doesn’t touch me he gives me 1 kiss a day on the cheek before work thats takes him 1 hr to get home he doesn’t tell me anything n if i ask he is snappy if i talk to him he ignores me n stares at t.v. I never get a hug even if i ask then when i try to give him 1 he doesn’t hold me back everyday i cry silently. When i talk to him he walks off he wont even look at bed he turns his back,i dont discuss our problems.i told him i dnt wnt anything from him just love.

  9. camille Post author

    Mysterygal I have left a reply for you here.

    I will slowly leave posts / replies with everyone’s questions / comments in due course! Keep checking the site.

  10. fatim

    It baffles me to see that many women are suffering the same way like me,i have been married to my husband for 7 yrs now he is in the u.s and i am in africa he came to see me three times since we got married,last year he cheated on me whiles he was here, i needed evidence so i started searching untill i got my proof that he was cheating,wen he found out that i knew he ignored me wen i call him he does not talk to me or he claims to be busy i am so sad and i cry all the time.

    Fatim – I have left a reply for you here

  11. hunnie

    Its a sad sad situation,same here with me,he comes home past 12 midnight from work,go check and play games in his computer,did not even check me and our kid if we are still alive in the room,just there in the living room so busy on his computer,he knows that Im upset,nothing happened,you think he would stopped on what he was doing?NEVER…like I was just talking to a wall,and then goes to bed,saying he was sorry,I told him,sorry means nothing if you keep on doing the same thing all over again,Im very upset because I always support respected and love him and yet he cannot be man enough to be mature and focus on important things than his computer games.I wish I was just numb,Or maybe one day I will not care anymore,I kept telling him,You can go back to your Mother,.Im upset,he doesnt know how to respect me as his wife.

    I have left a reply for you here

  12. Diana

    I’m in a different boat but the same lake. My husband loves me. Or at least I think he does. He does the dishes every day, will do anything for me if I ask, rubs my feet at night while watching TV, etc. BUT – he spends 99% of his time either watching TV or on the computer. I have to run the household, I have to talk to the gardeners, etc. And – most importantly – I go to bed every night alone. I am not overweight and keep myself perfectly clean and attractive, but getting into bed with me – until after I have gone to sleep, seems to be the last thing he wants to do. We used to go to bed together at night, make love, and read and talk and laugh. Now I go to bed and he sits in his home office on the computer until 1-2am watching internet TV, playing chess or listening to classical music. If we do have sex – I instigate it – and I am SICK of being the one to do so. There are so many things that are good about our marriage – but how do I live the rest of my life with this one big problem? I have talked to him ad nauseum about it. He will change for a day or two then its back to the same thing. Is this just the way men basically are? I don’t remember any of my previous relationships being this way – but that was before the internet. So who knows. Should I be happy with what I have and get some batteries instead? If I leave him – it sounds like so many men are the same way. And I don’t want to be alone – but I also don’t want to be alone and ignored. He has had some depression in the past and is on anti-depressants. But I dont think that is the issue. He is very inward and cerebral. He honestly seems the most happy when he is on his computer listening to classical music and reading the news. Being with me is something he clearly does not enjoy – and I don’t take that personally – I think he would be the same with the next woman. I am thinking of asking him to turn off the computer after 7pm and the TV after 10 from now on. Or just leaving for a few days if he doesn’t do something about his isolating himself. He hates it when I am gone – even though he does not seem to care to be with me at home! Maybe I’ll take a trip to the ocean alone this weekend.

  13. Unhappilymarried

    My husband goes to work, comes home, goes to the kitchen for some chips , and straight to his computer he goes…and when it comes to bedtime, if its not the computer its his phone or ipad! He doesn’t ask about my day, it’s all about him. How his day went, what he did all day. We have been married for 2 years and I am so unhappy! I’m a full time student, he is in the military. I feel lonelier now than when he was deployed! Today I confronted him and told him I’m not happy & that he needs to put more effort and time in our marriage and give the electronics a break, his reply was “well you were just on the computer too” …. I was only printing a paper for class. And even if I was on the computer like he is im sure he wouldnt even notice! everything is so awkward, we barely say a word to each other. and when we do its very dry and emotionless!Aaaaaaaahhhhh!!!

  14. Jerrie

    I have been married for 18 years and initially thought my husband was my soulmate. That is, until we had our first disagreement and he not only refused to discuss the matter with me but gave me the silent treatment for 5 days after the disagreement and whenever I tried bringing it up again to resolve the matter he would shutdown until I stopped talking about it. Eighteen years later and nothing has changed! I cry a lot and can’t fully explain the pain, desperation, and despair that I feel. I have explained how I feel to my husband and he just looks past me at the TV and never says a word, and when he does say something it’s that nothing is wrong and I don’t know how to leave things along. When I try explaining that the reason I keep bringing up things is that whatever happens is swept under the rug and never discussed he ignores me again. I am so lonely!

  15. vankhanh

    It is exactly as what I observed from my husband ‘s doing. So, everyone do you think that such a man has got mental sick.

  16. musicmom

    These situations don’t sound like marriages. I’m not sure what you would call these situations- maybe verbal abuse, which does include that special thing called “the silent treatment.” Please try to find some support for yourselves. You deserve it!

  17. Andie

    What are we supposed to do? Why do men do this? I don’t understand? I’m giving, loving, attractive, intelligent…and I adore my husband…why doesn’t he feel the same?

  18. kathy

    I have been married for 36 yrs. and since day 1, I knew something wasn’t right.He volunteered for his sister and boyfriend to move in with us the day after we got married and said it was just a piece of paper,I should have known then. It has been 1 emotional roller coaster after another. We have always agrued and it has escalated over the yrs.He has been in a band for most of these yrs. and 5 yrs. ago,joined another band. Its all about flirting,making sexual remarks to other women,etc.I do go to some of the shows but have recently stopped because he totally ignores me when I do go and hes all over the women and it bugs me because ,its like he goes out of his way to upset me.Totally disrespectful.
    I have voiced my feelings and he doesn’t care at all. He says its my problem and I need to chill out. I could write a book on all the disrespectful things he has said and done over the yrs.I often ask myself why I have put up with this abuse. Recently he worked out of town for 4 days and didn’t call once. I called my son and asked to speak with my husband,I asked my husband to call later that night and he asked Why?? I am ready to get myself out of here and on to the life I really want. I don’t need the drama in my life. Life is tough enough. I have tried so hard to make it work but now my children are grown and they have seen their father act in ways that is very embarrassing for them. He does tell me he loves me so much and doesn’t cheat but his actions speak louder then his words. It is time for me to move on to be a Healthy and Happy woman

  19. Sheree

    I have been married for 10 years. My husband used to worship the ground I walked on. That all changed after our first son was born. I don’t know if it’s the weight I put on or what. Then in 2005, our youngest son died. Our marriage fell apart after he told me it was my fault our son was dead. Since then, we have split up and gotten back together. He has no time for me, we don’t have any relationship to speak of. I pay almost all the bills, as well as buying groceries and gas, etc. He spends his time playing games and ignores me. He is hardly any help to me at all, we have no physical
    relationship to speak of, and I do almost everything as far as taking care of this family are concerned. All we do is fight and I’m just tired. I feel like there’s no real reason for us to even be married anymore. I guess I stay out of fear and hoping he will change… they never change. Once they’re set in their ways, most of the time the marriage will end because it’s easier than trying to make it work. My heart breaks and I cry myself to sleep most night because I’m just so lonely.



  21. Tasha

    Thing is its not going to change is it !? Yet we look the pathetic women complaining online when in reality we should be doing something .if men treat us like this why do we stay? And am sorry but there’s always help out there with money and a place to put over your head even to regards of not having chrildren. They will not change . You need to change and be the person you truly are . Before its to late to realise what you could have done in your life . So leave your partner or kick him out stand up for yourself don’t take this noneses .

  22. fanny

    Omg… if i read all this.. im just freak out!… i meet my husband over the net 5 years ago and we got married 2 years ago… he is lovely, give me kisses, and hugs, he buys me all i want but he do not bath himself only if i tell him :(… beside that he plays videogames the whole time, or watches tv or porn when im not at home… i know he has noone else and i think he would not do… but im just so sad! i know we have a big money problem but it doesnt make it better if i always feel this sad…. i have wonder was wrong with me?… he is german, im mexican and our relationship seem to be like disney movie… all was fine but than all changed… he says is only cos of the money thing but at the end he always finds something else to tell me to dont be with me.. if u know what i mean :/…. btw he is 37 i am 22 and this really makes me crazy! i want to be with him, have fun with him but he is always tired… but not for his games, for his games he has all time in the wolrld…. he has no job at the moment and im about to work on a place for old people to get better my german.. but the idea of him beeing all alone here with his porn makes me crazy cos what if he just find someone else? he says he wont, he says has nothing to do with me, he says he loves me and yeah he is very lovel with me and all but theres no sex just his games, his tv and noth bathing! im driving crazy and i just took the detition … if he dont change im gonna do all to live in germany and than im gonna leave him… im afraid to end like all of u 🙁 im sorry dont feel bad for this i say.. i just dont want to lose all my youth with someone doesnt see how sad i find myself… if i tell him after a while he just gets mad and i say nothing and nothing changes… always needs to come from me…. i love him so much but i dont want to lose my life for someone who cares more about his videogames and so on…. please someone give me an advise!… i have no kids btw and i dont want kids… anyways 🙁

  23. Amy

    I’ve been married 47 years and that is exactly how many years I’ve been ignored. I didn’t know this before we were married, we never had sex but we did hold hands and kiss once in a while. I honestly think I never turned him on before we were married, I tryed but nothing happened.
    We did have sex once on our wedding night and that was the last time for sex, loving, togetherness, intimacy and anything that married people should do. I believe he was the first one to invent the man cave because right after our wedding night he moved to the basement and I was told to leave him alone and don’t talk to him. I screamed and pleaded with him, and I said some things that I never say but said any way. He just tuned around went to the basement and closed the door. I do know he was working night for years like 45 years, and worked all holidays, weekends, and never really took vacation, he never missed a day of work and dis owned our families. I thought he might be gay or he was poking some little whore on the side. I would have been really upset but would have known he had love for some one or thing. I hired detectives on a lot of occasions but was told I was wasting my money and that he was the most boring person to watch. He did nothing except go to work and personal stuff, he had no friends and went no where. I do know he hasn’t any phone, computer, radio, TV nothing to communicate with the outside world. He just stays cooped up in his garage doing what ever loners do. I have no idea why I stayed, I guess I felt sorry for myself, no where to go, and thought my life was over. I visit my shrink once every two weeks and take anti-depressants every day. In my high 60s now and I still feel sorry a worthless about myself. I know he ruined my life along with myself and I hope it will end in the near future. Tomorrow would be great !!!!!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *