We have to live together for the next six months for financial reasons, but I have to say that I feel REALLY good now!!! I am uninterested in what he does and am happy when he stays out all night. Up until two months ago I would have been pacing the floor wondering where he is and what he is doing.

For the first time since we married I don’t go to sleep feeling miserable nor wake up with a heavy feeling in my heart.

I am not proud that I have a failed marriage but I don’t want the rest of my life to be how it was last year, so I have had to swallow my pride and admit I (we) made a mistake in getting married to each other. I feel happy an optimistic now.

He is pretty helpful with the boys and will show affection or intereact with me but only if I ask. It doesn’t come from him. When I call him at work any pause in conversation and he says, “ok” as if to say, “Ok, are you done so I can go now.” He is up and down during dinner or won’t eat with us anyway. He’ll eat after the boys go to bed. He claims he wants a cooked meal and doesn’t want to rush (we have 2 hours after work to feed and bathe the boys so I mostly have quick fix meals like soup or grilled cheese etc.) And he rarely goes to bed before me. He goes 10 min. to 2 – 3 hours after or just sleeps on the couch.

That’s my not trusting myself that got me into this. I knew he was wrong for me deep down but I didn’t trust that feeling. He hurts my feelings more than any man ever has. I’ve researched his behaviors and found that he’s passive aggressive, an invalidator, emotionally abusive, manipulative and he’s a huge procrastinator. We’ve been to a few counselors and he just diverts and denies and appears so calm, cool, relaxed, innocent that we can never get anything accomplished.

I have my faults too. I’m a total nag because he doesn’t help much with the housework. I do way more than he and we both work full time. it is unfair.

every thing in life he puts off and just sits there avoiding it. He is kind of a loser. His friends think he is awesome because he is the laid-back, funny, easygoing/flexible, humble, meek friend. But at home he is just vicious. He gets revenge on me for my reacting negatively to his bad behaviors. So he never has to pay any price for what he does.

I’ve stopped doing his laundry because he said, “the more you try to stop me from watching porn, which he says is normal and healthy, the more you make it taboo”. So his clothes stay in a huge pile in the basement and he just washes his favorites once a week then leaves them unfolded on the bed till he wears each piece. He’s a pain in the ass. So I say to him, “just wanted to make your porn more taboo for you.” this all started because he left his tracks and I saw the temporary folders names with the porn he previously viewed. I told him if he were going to do it, have some respect for me and never leave a trace. He’s too lazy.

I know I really should leave him but I do love him. I hate myself for saying those words. And he’s hilarious and unique but he’s really hard to live with, he pretends he can’t hear me every single day and he ignores me. I think about the boys and just don’t want them to deal with divorce but I think it might be best in some cases.

Now – he comes home, switches on the computer, grunts responses and never listens to what I say. We rarely eat together as he arranges things to make that impossible. He will always go to bed at least an hour after I have gone to bed but usually it is several hours after. One time I forced myself to stay awake and told him that I wasn’t going to bed until he came with me, so 6am was the time we went to bed, but only after I hit the roof.

He takes things the wrong way and at times it seems as though he is looking for an excuse to blame me for something.

I have spoken to him about this but no good. I have told him I am unhappy with how things are and he doesn’t care. I have told him I want to play online games with him but he won’t add me and then he just stops playing games and just surfs the internet instead and reads all about baseball… solitary stuff that he says I can’t do with him. Any arrangements I make to have a date night fall flat. He always fixes his work schedule to make it impossible or some other excuse. I dressed up sexy and he told me to go into the bedroom and get started and he’ll be in in a minute. I was left waiting.

He is blocking me out from his life.

I want to give him a taste of his own medicine but that is just not me. I have noticed that I seem to be subconsciously physically hurting him and other things: in the middle of the night I will kick him when I am half-asleep; let the door slam in his face even though I know he is walking directly behind me and should keep it open; twice accidentally knocked over a glass of coke onto his keyboard and computer; spilt his plate of food as I place it on the table; physically bump into him very hard; etc.

It seems so soon to be talking divorce and that is such a big move, even more so because he is in this country on a temporary spouse visa and if we divorce he will have to leave the country. But I can’t live like this. I am starting to really hate him. I think the next thing I will do is to try and enjoy my life as though he isn’t here.