Cupidopolis

“I have cancer. And although I have accepted that I may die from it, I need to prepare myself. I have children and this is the bit I find the hardest. I don’t want them to forget just how much I love them. They are still so young!”

Having any illness is never easy but having a terminal illness is tragic. Unfortunately death is a sad fact of life. The only thing we are ever sure of, is that we will all die at some point. I know this is no consolation but at least you have time to prepare.

Written words can last a life time. Do write each of them a letter to tell them how you feel about them. They will treasure this all of their lives. You can also get them personalised engravable gifts which could be a keepsake. A symbol of your love for them. But most importantly, you need to sit with them and explain to them what you are going through. They too need to be prepared. Children are aware when things are not right. They may even suspect what you are going through, but they do need to hear it from you. You need to sit with them, speak to them and tell them what you feel and most importantly, tell them just how much you love them!

“I think my child is gifted. She seems so much more capable than her friends her age. I think she is really intelligent. Is there anyway I can confirm this? What can I do for her?”.

First of all, have a word with her school teachers. They can give you feedback which will help confirm your suspicions.

Intelligence is measured as Intelligence Quotient. The average IQ score being around 100. You can find out your child’s score by her sitting for some standardised tests. However, most tests are aimed at adults and it is harder to be accurate with children’s scores. This is not to say that you cannot get a score, but it can fluctuate according to your child’s experiences to date.

Gifted people in the 98th Percentile can join MENSA.

However, even if your daughter does not reach the 98th percentile, she can still be gifted. Encouraging her to read and do things will help her, both now and in the future. Finding time to spend with her and answering all her questions will also help her tremendously.

Good Luck

“My 2 year old daughter was stung by a bee and is now terrified of insects. She will get really upset if any insect goes near her. It is becoming a real struggle as there are insects everywhere!”

I would start by first acknowledging the fact that an insect hurt her. I would then explain that the insect was a bee. I would also go on to explain that the bee was afraid that it would be be hurt by her and that stinging was his way of protecting himself. I would then show her that not all insects are to be afraid of and pick them up and play with them. Good examples are ants, ladybirds and snails.

If you are afraid of any insects yourself (such as spiders) do not let on or you will give her cause to deepen her fear because Mummy / Daddy etc are also afraid.

It will take time, but do persist or it may worsen.

As with all phobias, hypnotherapy may help but I would be hesitant to try hypnotherapy on someone so young.

Good Luck

It is not unheard of that a person finds out that a child they thought was theirs, is not actually their biological child. This does not mean that the child is no longer theirs. The child will know the parent as their parent and the love a child has for their parents knows no limit. Often these hurt parents retaliate by abandoning the kids but this means that the child gets hurt in the process.

The child might not be biologically theirs but before they knew that the child was not biologically theirs, did they not grow to love the child? Seeing it from a different perspective, an adopted child is not biologically the adoptive parents but do they love them any less… NO! So essentially there is no difference.

The thing to remember is the child is the one who will be hurt the most by the whole situation.

“I walked in on my daughter masturbating. How do I handle it?”.

Masturbation is normal and healthy. It was probably embarrassing for the both of you. You should take this opportunity to bring up safe sex and to be forthcoming about sex. Having an open parent is always great and statistically shows than children with open parents are less likely to have teenage pregnancy or other sexual issues.

“I think my son is a homosexual. His dad would disown him and I am not sure how I feel. How do I deal with it?”.

First of all, until you are sure, there is very little you can do other than broach the subject with your son.

As for your feelings, does it really make a difference to you emotionally about who he physically is attracted to? Assuming he is homosexual, he will need support when he “comes out” and he would really appreciate it if you can support him as his mother. After all a mother’s job is to accept their children no matter what!

As for his father, perhaps you ought to work on softening him up before your son “comes out”. And even if you cannot help his dad change his attitude, being there for your son will be less heartbreaking for him. It already is not easy to be different, let alone having to bear difficulties with both your parents.

Try to not judge him for his sexual preferences but to accept for what he always was and will be -  YOUR SON!

“I really want to take my family on holiday but it is not easy coming up with something that suits everyone. Do you have any suggestions?”

There are a whole range of holidays you can take. A nice holiday in the sun is always a fun treat. Everyone loves the beach, the sun and the sea. Just remember to take the sunscreen.

Another alternative would be getting a cheap flight to Orlando to visit Disney World. There is always something for everyone young and old! And so far I have never heard of anyone being disappointed with going to disney world!

It is not always about sad things. Birthdays are a great way of marking someone’s birthday. It is a way of saying, you know I am really happy that you were born. You make a difference to my life.

There are many ways of marking someone’s birthday and they need not cost the earth. Make a card, bake a cake or even buy a small token gift that could be appreciated. Even sending a text can make that person’s day. So don’t forget anyone’s birthday!

“My three year old watches too much TV! She could happily sit in front of TV all day. She throws a tantrum when she is not allowed to watch TV. So I have to let her watch it!”

You should be made aware that you are the grown up in the relationship and you actually know what is best. As you know you cannot let a child stay all day in front of TV. However you do need to provide alternatives. A walk in the park, help with cooking, reading time, playing with Play Doh etc.

TV can be interesting for them as so much is going on but you do need to limit it. Or they will become couch potatoes. Don’t worry about her throwing a tantrum. It is her way of trying to get what she wants. It will die down in a few minutes when she realises that you are not paying her attention.

“I want a Laptop for Christmas. My parents don’t want to get me one. They say it is too big a gift. I told them I need it for school and they still refused. How can I get them to give me one?”

Your parents are right in the fact that a laptop is a big gift. Laptops are very expensive. Trying to coerce them into buying it for you is not nice and very disrespectful too.

If you really need a pc perhaps you ought to consider a desktop rather than a laptop, as they can be substantially cheaper.

If you are a teenager, you could get a part-time job and start saving to buy one. Your parents are more likely to partially fund a pc than fully pay for it.

Why don’t you take a look at websites to see just how large a gift you want. A good place to start could be PC World. You could also ask your aunts, uncles, grandparents and anyone who asks you what you would like for a cash gift to go towards your pc. You could also ask for individual parts eg a tower, a monitor, a cd reader, a modem etc. If you split it up, it won’t seem so big and you might have yourself a Merry Christmas after all.