Cupidopolis

“When my boyfriend meets up with his friends I keep being ignored. When they are around they are always talking about things like Yamaha rhino parts, racing, bikes, sports and so on. Yet when he joins my friends he always grumbles. I am getting really irritated. Any suggestions?”

Glad to hear it is not a serious issue, especially if this is your only problem. A couple of suggestions include :-

• Have your mates days on the same day - both sets together should give a better balanced conversation.
• You meet your friends while he meets his friends on the same day and neither of you lose out.
• Take a female friend with you when you meet his friends. He should also do the same.
• Speak to your friends girlfriends - they probably have more friendly conversation and are probably in your situation!
• Last but not least speak to your boyfriend because he might also have a suggestion or two!

Good Luck!

“I have cancer. And although I have accepted that I may die from it, I need to prepare myself. I have children and this is the bit I find the hardest. I don’t want them to forget just how much I love them. They are still so young!”

Having any illness is never easy but having a terminal illness is tragic. Unfortunately death is a sad fact of life. The only thing we are ever sure of, is that we will all die at some point. I know this is no consolation but at least you have time to prepare.

Written words can last a life time. Do write each of them a letter to tell them how you feel about them. They will treasure this all of their lives. You can also get them personalised engravable gifts which could be a keepsake. A symbol of your love for them. But most importantly, you need to sit with them and explain to them what you are going through. They too need to be prepared. Children are aware when things are not right. They may even suspect what you are going through, but they do need to hear it from you. You need to sit with them, speak to them and tell them what you feel and most importantly, tell them just how much you love them!

“It is my parents 25th Anniversary and I am stuck for a gift. You see I never imagined they would make it to this stage as they fight a lot. I don’t just want to pick any odd thing but at the same time I want it special. I don’t want to get them a present each either. It feels almost wrong to buy them a gift as they fight so much!”.

Sometimes fighting is what makes the relationship. The fact that they made it to 25 years, especially in a day and age where divorce is so readily available, says something for them. Just because they argue a lot does not mean they don’t love each other. In fact they proved just how special their relationship is by having been together 25 years. You really should celebrate this great occasion.

Their 25th is their Silver Anniversary, so I would recommend getting them something silver. A good couple of silver gifts ideas could be salt & pepper which could represent their contrasts and their being complimentary. Or perhaps a frame with a sentimental photo of perhaps their wedding day.

And most importantly don’t forget to congratulate them. It is not easy reaching such a milestone, especially if they have such an emotional relationship.

“I was told that it is safe to have sex if I have never had a period yet as it means that I cannot get pregnant. Is this true?”

Technically speaking, not having a menstrual cycle (period) means that you are not ovulating, which technically speaking means that you cannot conceive.

However, and this is the important factor… people have a menstrual cycle after ovulation. Therefore you can first ovulate without having yet had a period and can conceive before ever having a period.

So although if you do not menstruate, you are not ovulating therefore cannot conceive, you do not know when your first cycle / ovulation will happen, and therefore you may still get pregnant even if you have not had a period to date.

The only ways to prevent pregnancy are abstention (100% safe) or using contraceptives (up to 99.9% safe if used accurately). 

On another note…. if you have not yet had a period, do you really think that you are mature enough to be having sex?

It is not unheard of that a person finds out that a child they thought was theirs, is not actually their biological child. This does not mean that the child is no longer theirs. The child will know the parent as their parent and the love a child has for their parents knows no limit. Often these hurt parents retaliate by abandoning the kids but this means that the child gets hurt in the process.

The child might not be biologically theirs but before they knew that the child was not biologically theirs, did they not grow to love the child? Seeing it from a different perspective, an adopted child is not biologically the adoptive parents but do they love them any less… NO! So essentially there is no difference.

The thing to remember is the child is the one who will be hurt the most by the whole situation.

“How do you stop loving someone when they do not love you back?”

Stopping love is impossible. We do not chose who we love, it just grows. Nor do we have a choice on who loves us back. You can love from afar but that too is painful.

Sadly the only cure is time and even that is not a cure. Time eases the pain and does not stop you loving them.

Keeping yourself occupied will help time pass and can temporarily even ease the pain.

May time pass quickly for you.

“I think my son is a homosexual. His dad would disown him and I am not sure how I feel. How do I deal with it?”.

First of all, until you are sure, there is very little you can do other than broach the subject with your son.

As for your feelings, does it really make a difference to you emotionally about who he physically is attracted to? Assuming he is homosexual, he will need support when he “comes out” and he would really appreciate it if you can support him as his mother. After all a mother’s job is to accept their children no matter what!

As for his father, perhaps you ought to work on softening him up before your son “comes out”. And even if you cannot help his dad change his attitude, being there for your son will be less heartbreaking for him. It already is not easy to be different, let alone having to bear difficulties with both your parents.

Try to not judge him for his sexual preferences but to accept for what he always was and will be -  YOUR SON!

“I am not in love with my boyfriend but I do not want to end up on my own. I do not know what to do. Should I split up? Should I try to find someone first, then break up?”.

It is not fair on your boyfriend to stay with him when you so obviously do not love him. Nor is it fair on yourself. Breaking up is always hard to do but it inevitably should be done for both your sakes.

“My boyfriend keeps saying he will leave his wife. It has been 3 years. What can I do to make him leave her quicker?”

Your boyfriend is a married man. There is a reason he has not yet left his wife… and it is probably because he has no intention to. There is no point in trying to hurry him as it is unlikely that he will leave her. Unless you are happy with the status quo (and you do not seem to be), perhaps you might want to look into other options.

It is not always about sad things. Birthdays are a great way of marking someone’s birthday. It is a way of saying, you know I am really happy that you were born. You make a difference to my life.

There are many ways of marking someone’s birthday and they need not cost the earth. Make a card, bake a cake or even buy a small token gift that could be appreciated. Even sending a text can make that person’s day. So don’t forget anyone’s birthday!