Time is the best healer of all. I know that the last thing you want anyone to say is “time is a great healer”, but truly it is.
When dealing with issues we need to learn to accept our mistakes and learn from them. We need to forgive the people who hurt us in order to accept things. And last but not least it is Time that will ease the pain and help us accept.
With grief there are stages we have to go through, but for everything else, it is all about acceptance. And for both… it takes TIME!
It is not unheard of that a person finds out that a child they thought was theirs, is not actually their biological child. This does not mean that the child is no longer theirs. The child will know the parent as their parent and the love a child has for their parents knows no limit. Often these hurt parents retaliate by abandoning the kids but this means that the child gets hurt in the process.
The child might not be biologically theirs but before they knew that the child was not biologically theirs, did they not grow to love the child? Seeing it from a different perspective, an adopted child is not biologically the adoptive parents but do they love them any less… NO! So essentially there is no difference.
The thing to remember is the child is the one who will be hurt the most by the whole situation.
“I walked in on my daughter masturbating. How do I handle it?”.
Masturbation is normal and healthy. It was probably embarrassing for the both of you. You should take this opportunity to bring up safe sex and to be forthcoming about sex. Having an open parent is always great and statistically shows than children with open parents are less likely to have teenage pregnancy or other sexual issues.
As humans we are forever searching for happiness. Yet happiness is that elusive thing where the more you search for it, the less you will find it. Happiness is a result of gratefulness for what you do have and not for what you would like to have.
A good example is that many people expect they will be happy if they win the lottery yet strangely enough most people who do win the lottery tend to discover greater unhappiness and long for the days when they were really happy with what they had. Often the money does not last and things cannot return to what they were.
So the lesson is in learning to be happy with the things you do have whether it be health, a roof over your head or even your child throwing a smile your way!
“How do you stop loving someone when they do not love you back?”
Stopping love is impossible. We do not chose who we love, it just grows. Nor do we have a choice on who loves us back. You can love from afar but that too is painful.
Sadly the only cure is time and even that is not a cure. Time eases the pain and does not stop you loving them.
Keeping yourself occupied will help time pass and can temporarily even ease the pain.
May time pass quickly for you.
It is the end of the scholastic year and a number of teenagers will be leaving school. This is always a major milestone for both the parents and the school leaver.
Leaving school is a step into adult-hood and into the real world. Decisions about what to do with one’s life comes into play, and they should not be taken lightly by either the parent or the school leaver. A school consellor can help with career paths but the psychological path must be edged on by the parents.
This is definately not a time to under estimate the emotional upheaval of the whole stage. Talking about it always helps. Remember this is a truly positive time.
“I think my son is a homosexual. His dad would disown him and I am not sure how I feel. How do I deal with it?”.
First of all, until you are sure, there is very little you can do other than broach the subject with your son.
As for your feelings, does it really make a difference to you emotionally about who he physically is attracted to? Assuming he is homosexual, he will need support when he “comes out” and he would really appreciate it if you can support him as his mother. After all a mother’s job is to accept their children no matter what!
As for his father, perhaps you ought to work on softening him up before your son “comes out”. And even if you cannot help his dad change his attitude, being there for your son will be less heartbreaking for him. It already is not easy to be different, let alone having to bear difficulties with both your parents.
Try to not judge him for his sexual preferences but to accept for what he always was and will be - YOUR SON!
“I am not in love with my boyfriend but I do not want to end up on my own. I do not know what to do. Should I split up? Should I try to find someone first, then break up?”.
It is not fair on your boyfriend to stay with him when you so obviously do not love him. Nor is it fair on yourself. Breaking up is always hard to do but it inevitably should be done for both your sakes.
“My 15 year old daughter wants to go to a concert. At first I said an immediate NO and she retorted that I don’t trust her. This left me thinking. What should I do?”.
First of all, some concerts have minimum age limits and ID may be required.
Secondly, your instincts said to say NO and you are only questioning it because she pushed you. As a teenager, it is her instinct to push you for more. It is a good survival instinct but your motherly instinct is even more important.
I am sure there are many reasons you do not want her to attend, sit her down and explain them to her. It will help build bridges rather than cause further rift.
Remember this is not about trust or lack of but about your daughter’s safety.
In my work I have been shocked by how many people practise unsafe sex. Let me not talk about the psychology of unsafe sex because I can write a book on that rather than a short post. The point about unsafe sex is that it is, simply put – UNSAFE!
Ok so what exactly is unsafe in unsafe sex:-
So what do you need to do to practise safe sex? You can abstain from sex which is the most effective, though I do understand that this is impracticable. The next best thing is to use a condom as this is the most effective way to have safe sex.