A new begining…

camille   February 12, 2010   1 Comment on A new begining…

My husband and I have been married for less than a year. The first few months were great.

Now – he comes home, switches on the computer, grunts responses and never listens to what I say. We rarely eat together as he arranges things to make that impossible. He will always go to bed at least an hour after I have gone to bed but usually it is several hours after. One time I forced myself to stay awake and told him that I wasn’t going to bed until he came with me, so 6am was the time we went to bed, but only after I hit the roof.

He takes things the wrong way and at times it seems as though he is looking for an excuse to blame me for something.

I have spoken to him about this but no good. I have told him I am unhappy with how things are and he doesn’t care. I have told him I want to play online games with him but he won’t add me and then he just stops playing games and just surfs the internet instead and reads all about baseball… solitary stuff that he says I can’t do with him. Any arrangements I make to have a date night fall flat. He always fixes his work schedule to make it impossible or some other excuse. I dressed up sexy and he told me to go into the bedroom and get started and he’ll be in in a minute. I was left waiting.

He is blocking me out from his life.

I want to give him a taste of his own medicine but that is just not me. I have noticed that I seem to be subconsciously physically hurting him and other things: in the middle of the night I will kick him when I am half-asleep; let the door slam in his face even though I know he is walking directly behind me and should keep it open; twice accidentally knocked over a glass of coke onto his keyboard and computer; spilt his plate of food as I place it on the table; physically bump into him very hard; etc.

It seems so soon to be talking divorce and that is such a big move, even more so because he is in this country on a temporary spouse visa and if we divorce he will have to leave the country. But I can’t live like this. I am starting to really hate him. I think the next thing I will do is to try and enjoy my life as though he isn’t here.”

An update on my situation – I left and stayed with my parents for two months to give us some time apart. A month in we decided for a divorce and I spent the other month preparing and making plans for separating.

We have to live together for the next six months for financial reasons, but I have to say that I feel REALLY good now!!! I am uninterested in what he does and am happy when he stays out all night. Up until two months ago I would have been pacing the floor wondering where he is and what he is doing.

For the first time since we married I don’t go to sleep feeling miserable nor wake up with a heavy feeling in my heart.

I am not proud that I have a failed marriage but I don’t want the rest of my life to be how it was last year, so I have had to swallow my pride and admit I (we) made a mistake in getting married to each other. I feel happy an optimistic now.”

Do not look upon this as a failure. In life there are always two ways to see things. The glass can be half full or half empty. You took control of your life and sought your happiness, and that is brilliant. Obviously it was not working as you both agreed to a divorce. Yes, there might have been something that could have saved the marriage, but the reality was far more likely that things would have remained status quo. Life is too short to live a miserable existence. Your divorce seems amicable too, which is a really great thing as many divorces become acrimonious, painful and hurtful.

Although this time is painful, it is a time for healing and new beginings. With the fact that you will live together for 6 months or so, you might find that you remember who and why you fell in love with and things might be able to start over without the current pressures you have today. Meanwhile, think of this step as a halfway house. A step to your new independance, freedom and happiness.

Good luck with all your upcoming changes. You will be so much stronger for them. 🙂

One thought on “A new begining…

  1. Kate

    Thank you for the encouragement. I can’t see us making amends as I am not interested at all and my feelings are cold towards him (as he to me), but you never know. This time last year I would never have thought we would end up like this either so who knows what might happen!

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