Cupidopolis

“I want to wear Red for my prom but mum thinks I will look like a slut. My friends & I disagree that wearing red will make me look like a slut. What can I do to show her that red is nice? After all it is not like these are my wedding ideas!!”

Mothers usually know best. Mothers usually want what is best for their children.

This is not to say that what your friends are saying is not right. However, you mum has more experience in life. I personally would sit down and have a chat with her and perhaps shop around together. After all there are many dresses and many colours and I am sure that together you can come up with a dress you both approve of.

Besides which, isn’t your prom at the end of the scholastic year? You have plenty of time to decide together.

Good Luck.

“I was told that it is safe to have sex if I have never had a period yet as it means that I cannot get pregnant. Is this true?”

Technically speaking, not having a menstrual cycle (period) means that you are not ovulating, which technically speaking means that you cannot conceive.

However, and this is the important factor… people have a menstrual cycle after ovulation. Therefore you can first ovulate without having yet had a period and can conceive before ever having a period.

So although if you do not menstruate, you are not ovulating therefore cannot conceive, you do not know when your first cycle / ovulation will happen, and therefore you may still get pregnant even if you have not had a period to date.

The only ways to prevent pregnancy are abstention (100% safe) or using contraceptives (up to 99.9% safe if used accurately). 

On another note…. if you have not yet had a period, do you really think that you are mature enough to be having sex?

“I thought I would fail my exams, but I didn’t. Now I don’t know what to do, as it would mean having to waste a year because I did not apply for uni! Should I just give up?”.

First of all, giving up is never an option. Even if you do not get in to University this year, you can always take a gap year and gain invaluable experience. However, it is not too late because you can still apply at some Universities with what they call the clearing system. The University of Bedfordshire Clearing 2008 starts on the 14th August and that means that you can apply with them to start university this year. Clearing is when Universities check what places are still available as some people may have been offered places at multiple Universities. So you still have the chance to do something about it.

Good Luck and congratulations on your exam results.

“I have been told that I must wear specs. I am too afraid to wear lenses and I really do not want to wear glasses as I will look ugly!”.

Let us take things one step at a time. You can ask your optician in future to show you how to wear lenses. Do not be afraid as it is quite normal to feel hesitant when you try something new and scary. It gets easier with practise.

But meanwhile who said you would look ugly with specs? You can get some pretty funky specs nowadays. In fact you can get some pretty incredible stylish new frames from Zenni such as Zenni Optical $ 8 Rx Eyeglasses. And at only $8 you won’t mind if you do overcome your fear of lenses and start using lenses.

Wearing specs is the latest thing to do. Celebrities including the following have all been seen wearing specs. And if they make it look cool, then you can be sure that everyone will want to be wearing specs!

• Anastacia
• Jennifer Aniston
• Michelle Pfiffer
• Ronan Keating
• Sophia Loren
• Demi Moore
• Kylie
• Chris Evans
• Anne Robinson
• Ralph Schumacher
• Harry Hill
• Vic Reeves
• Austin Powers
• Harry Potter
• Ruby Wax
• Elton John
• David Beckham

Do you need more to prove that wearing glasses is not uncool? Well Zenni Optical was on FOX News, does not prove that specs are news?

“I walked in on my daughter masturbating. How do I handle it?”.

Masturbation is normal and healthy. It was probably embarrassing for the both of you. You should take this opportunity to bring up safe sex and to be forthcoming about sex. Having an open parent is always great and statistically shows than children with open parents are less likely to have teenage pregnancy or other sexual issues.

It is the end of the scholastic year and a number of teenagers will be leaving school. This is always a major milestone for both the parents and the school leaver.

Leaving school is a step into adult-hood and into the real world. Decisions about what to do with one’s life comes into play, and they should not be taken lightly by either the parent or the school leaver. A school consellor can help with career paths but the psychological path must be edged on by the parents.

This is definately not a time to under estimate the emotional upheaval of the whole stage. Talking about it always helps. Remember this is a truly positive time.

“I think my son is a homosexual. His dad would disown him and I am not sure how I feel. How do I deal with it?”.

First of all, until you are sure, there is very little you can do other than broach the subject with your son.

As for your feelings, does it really make a difference to you emotionally about who he physically is attracted to? Assuming he is homosexual, he will need support when he “comes out” and he would really appreciate it if you can support him as his mother. After all a mother’s job is to accept their children no matter what!

As for his father, perhaps you ought to work on softening him up before your son “comes out”. And even if you cannot help his dad change his attitude, being there for your son will be less heartbreaking for him. It already is not easy to be different, let alone having to bear difficulties with both your parents.

Try to not judge him for his sexual preferences but to accept for what he always was and will be -  YOUR SON!

“My 15 year old daughter wants to go to a concert. At first I said an immediate NO and she retorted that I don’t trust her. This left me thinking. What should I do?”.

First of all, some concerts have minimum age limits and ID may be required.

Secondly, your instincts said to say NO and you are only questioning it because she pushed you. As a teenager, it is her instinct to push you for more. It is a good survival instinct but your motherly instinct is even more important.

I am sure there are many reasons you do not want her to attend, sit her down and explain them to her. It will help build bridges rather than cause further rift.

Remember this is not about trust or lack of but about your daughter’s safety.

In my work I have been shocked by how many people practise unsafe sex. Let me not talk about the psychology of unsafe sex because I can write a book on that rather than a short post. The point about unsafe sex is that it is, simply put - UNSAFE!

Ok so what exactly is unsafe in unsafe sex:-

• The most obvious side effect is - Pregnancy
• The most common side effect are STD’s - Sexually Transmitted Diseases including but not limited to Gonorrhoea, Syphilis, Crabs, HIV etc
• Other effects include infections, lack of peace of mind and even xxx

So what do you need to do to practise safe sex? You can abstain from sex which is the most effective, though I do understand that this is impracticable. The next best thing is to use a condom as this is the most effective way to have safe sex.

You would be surprised at how many people are unhappy with their breast size. It all stems from the media and their idea of perfect. If the media had their way, We would all be size 00, tall leggy blondes with pert perfect breasts in a size 34DD.

Breast size really can range from completely flat chested to back achingly big. No matter what size someone is, their breasts will fall into one of the categories of too big / too small / too droopy / too unnatural / etc.

In fact most breasts are not even equally sized. Often the difference is minimal but sometimes the difference could be a couple of cup sizes or more.

The truth is that nature intended breasts for feeding infants, and no matter what natural size you are… you will be able to breast feed. Breasts also keep changing over time. And as for the talk of men prefering bigger breasts to small ones… that is all it is… talk. Men are simply happy with breasts, no matter the size.

It is not easy to learn to love our bodies with all the media portrays but by learning to accept our bodies and learning to love our bodies, it will make us enjoy our bodies more. It will in turn lead us to leading a happier life.